Twelve

Today my oldest baby is twelve.  In this picture, which seems like yesterday, he was turning 6.

Twelve is a big number, especially when I think back to the days of when he was a toddler.  Those sometimes lonely, sometimes hilarious, sometimes magical days that seemed like they would last forever.  I remember the days going slow, but somehow the time went fast.

Days just kept passing, in a Nick Jr., goldfish blur.

Then, I had another baby, and time went faster.

Soon, enough time went by that it was time to start preschool.  That first day I dropped him off, I cried.  And when I went to pick him up, he cried.  He was just so relieved I came back to get him, and it broke my heart.  I forced myself to bring him back again the next day, and before I knew it he was happily going to school.

Somehow, more time went by and my second baby went to preschool, and my first baby graduated preschool.  Life was starting to move at full speed.

Then I had another baby, and all of a sudden my first baby was going to kindergarten. 

I remember dropping him off that first morning because I wouldn't dare put him on a bus.  I sat in that drop off line, watching kids get out of the cars, and all I could think was "How will he know where to go?  I just LEAVE him here?"

Eventually, it was our turn.  He got out of the car, and I pulled away.  Slowly.  And I cried watching him walk through those doors.

After my oldest started kindergarten, first grade came way too fast.  Time was going so fast I couldn't wrap my head around it.

One day I was new mom holding my first baby, and the next I had a toddler, preschooler and first grader.  Three babies.  I was juggling homework and potty training and piles of laundry.  And then, another few years went by and I had another baby.

And ever since then, life has gone from full speed to warp speed.  But I always measure time by my oldest, because when he was born I could never imagine him growing up.  I could never imagine him as anything other than my baby.  But now we've had 12 birthdays.

Twelve.

The world is now a huge influence in his life, and it's so hard to believe he isn't watching Blues Clues, or pushing trains.  He's going to school.  Playing ball.  Playing video games and he knows how to work an ipod better than I do.

He's also everything I ever dreamed my twelve year old would be.  Bright, loving and kind.  And I'm so honored he's mine to raise, because my life changed the day he was born.  My life, in many ways, began the moment I held him in my arms.

Happy 12th to my very first baby.  Reach for the stars, anything is possible.  For you, the sky is the limit.